This question is quite a lot like “Same question, different cards“, and shows another very common experience among new and DIY readers. The relationship version of this kind of question is the most common one in my experience, but the same principles apply to any question that occupies our focus: getting or keeping a new job, moving, friends, family, career choice – anything. Consuming questions are hard ones, especially when you are asking for an answer that doesn’t exist.
Q: I just started dating a new guy. I really like him and hope this will last, even though my past couple of relationships have been pretty bad. I have a deck of Tarot cards, and the same three cards keep turning up. I’ve asked if we’ll last, and got the ____, ____, and ____. I’ve asked if we’ll get married, and get the same three cards . I asked if we’ll break up, and still see them. I’ve pulled cards dozens of times and keep getting the same thing. What does the ____, ___ and ___ really mean? Does that mean we will stay together, get married or break up?
A: You’d be surprised how common this is among new and do it yourself card readers. You aren’t the only person who has experienced this by a long shot. There are a LOT of different but very common mistakes going on here to make it confusing for you. Hang in there with me and we’ll work through them, and hopefully get to a solution for you.
First and foremost this is an absolute case study in why Tarot is never for making predictions. It just doesn’t work that way. Tarot readings aren’t intended to tell you IF the two of you will “last” or marry or what have you. Little bits of paper can never predict the future. Ever. Period. So that is the first place this goes off the tracks. The kind of thing you need to be asking is how you can make the most of the relationship right here, right now? What can YOU actually DO to help make it last? What do you most need to learn from the relationship? What is the ideal kind of relationship for you? What kind of relationship do you really want? Marriage? Dating? Fun? Is this it? How can you evolve to the right relationship for both of you? These kinds of things are actually harder than making up some kind of “prediction”. Those kinds of questions demand much more of you on a spiritual and emotional maturity level, but THAT is what Tarot is all about…learning, growing, guidance, understanding, or in this case – being the best partner you can be and helping the relationship be at its best right now and for however long it may last.
If you have an answer…you keep getting the same three cards…then why do you keep asking over and over and over instead of spending some time trying to understand the answer you were already given? Tarot works subtly and symbolically. It isn’t going to send you text message saying “you will be madly in love for five years then break up” or something. Asking the same thing a bazillion times in six dozen different ways doesn’t serve any purpose. It only opens you up to frustration and confusion.
You don’t mention the card spread or layout you’ve been using. The card positions each have a symbolic meaning that can give context and understanding to the cards in a reading, so that is important to note. It can help you figure out the message, once you stop the panicked asking and listen.
For your last questions, neither the cards, the card positions, nor the frequency of question are of any help at all. “does that mean we will last, get married or break up?” It doesn’t mean a darn thing at all…whether you last, get married or break up is up to you AND your boyfriend to decide. The only thing on earth that can say where you two go from here is the two of you. It is up to you two to decide which of those things happen. Asking cards if you will marry or break up is asking for answer that doesn’t exist – until you two make it real.
Relationship questions are the more complex Tarot messages to understand. You have to remember that you aren’t in total control. You can’t control…or predict…what your love interest will do, decide or feel. It is a mutual, two-way thing. You can’t make someone love you. The place you have total control is how you respond to whatever situation emerges
When cards repeat, it is because we are just not getting their message. They tend to persist, or at least themes persist, until we finally, finally learn and understand. Whatever these three cards are trying to tell you, you haven’t got it yet. Primarily because you are only set on hearing one thing, and one thing only. You only want a prediction…they are trying to give you a more valuable lesson or some key guidance. If you open up to the NON prediction messages, then the cards will make sense. Cards also tell you what you NEED to hear, give you the lessons you need to learn…not what you want, or expect or ask. It could be they have a very important message for you that has to do with something else besides the love relationship. Taking care of that other life-lesson, learning that something about yourself (or some other area of life) , could very well help the relationship in its turn- like links in a chain.
There are two things you can do to sort all of this out:
One would be to skip the dang cards all together and forget about psychic anything…focus your time, attention, love and energy on the relationship itself instead of wasting it worrying about “if it will last”. Do your loving best for the relationship…that will help it last as long as possible. If it doesn’t last for the rest of your life, at least you can go on knowing that you gave it your level best. If it ends – no regrets. If it lasts, then it will be all the better for your efforts.
If you just can’t leave the card thing alone, then do this…switch to a one card draw, much MUCH less often.
Do this- shuffle the cards as you usually do. Then either cut the deck and use that card, or turn over the top card, whichever feels best to you or is in keeping with your usual style of Tarot Reading.
Whatever ONE card you get…STOP THERE. Put the cards away, and don’t pick them up again until you thoroughly understand this card and its message for you. Think about the card. Meditate on the card. Look up different meanings from different sources for the card. Think how it is guiding you in your relationship. Think if it is trying to get you to learn something outside of the relationship that is important.
Only after you are absolutely confident that you understand this card’s message and ONLY if you really, strongly feel that you need further guidance…then draw another ONE card and go through the same process…no more cards until you understand that one well and so on. Ted Andrews, one of the most brilliant writers on all things spiritual and intuitive like this, suggests only getting readings from a professional when you really feel a deep need, twice a year at the most, and that we all should try to show similar restraint reading for ourselves, too. We should follow our intuition and think for ourselves. Cards are only a tool to help that process along every now and again. Don’t be dependent on them. Let your love and attention flow where it should…not into pieces of paper.
Shameless plug du jour:
#PeaceTarot teaches you to do DIY daily meditation readings like this plus give peace-inspired meaning for all the (traditional RWS style) Tarot cards. It will even teach you how you can benefit from the meditations even if you don’t have a Tarot deck!