Q: Should my boyfriend and I break up or stay together?
A: You aren’t going to like this answer–not one little bit, but give it a chance. Doing things the hard way now could save you some tough times later on. I could just do a reading and tell you which thing to do, but that leaves you hanging with the consequences and repeating heartaches until you figure things out for yourself. I think we can do a little better for you than that.
Let me answer you questions with some other questions. Answer them, and those ideas will in turn answer your original concern.
I ask this question first because I think it is the most important one:
- Why are you asking me about breaking up or staying together instead of talking to your boyfriend?
Your boyfriend is as much a part of this as you are. His wants, needs, feelings, intentions and life path is as much a part of this as yours. He didn’t ask me for advice. He didn’t ask for my opinion about what should or shouldn’t happen in his life, which is exactly what a direct answer to your question would give. His privacy and his feelings are an important reason why I won’t just do a reading for these kinds of questions.
- I respect his part in this…do you?
Respect flows both ways.
- Does he respect you and your relationship? If he cares for you and respects the relationship, why, exactly, are you considering a break-up? If he doesn’t respect you and the relationship, why on Earth would you consider staying together?
I’m not saying your reasons for considering a breakup or for staying together aren’t good ones. I’m just saying you should be clear with yourself what those reasons are. It sounds grade-school, but make an actual, literal written-down list. It can help. A key question is WHY:
- Why do you want this person out of your life? Why would you want him to stay in your life? Why do you want this relationship in your life? Love? Convenience? Companionship? If it isn’t doing anything good, why hold on to it? It it isn’t doing anything bad, why not try to work things out?
- Do you love each other for who you are as a person, right here, right now, no changes required?
If the answer is yes, what would it take to break that up? If the answer is no, is this a relationship worth saving? Continuing a relationship based on one person or the other “changing” seldom works in the long run.
- Bottom line: Do you love him and does he love you?
Figure THAT out and the rest becomes obvious but not easy. In fact this may well be one of the hardest things you’ve ever faced. Any direct answer to your question just a band-aid. Tarot card can’t get you off the hook or let you hide.
The decision of break up vs stay together, and the responsibility for that decision rests entirely with the two of you.
Zombie Cat’s Crazy Crap Predictions are available for just-for-fun general questions until Jan 4. Ask in the comments below, answer will be a blog post. Predictions so crazy they are free!
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